Dealing with life's little inequities...

So, tonight, I had a great experience running (gasp of surprise!!).  For our half marathon training, we were scheduled to run five miles.  I usually run in the morning when it is cooler, but I had an interview for a job at 10:00.  Since I didn't get up early enough, I decided to run in the evening with Corey.  Wow, it was hot.  Like, if I could put flames around the word "hot" I would.  Greater than the temperature was the humidity, so even though we ran at 7:30 PM, it was like being in a sauna (minus the naked people and the actual steam).  Anyway, we walked a little bit at the end of each mile and had a drink from the fabulous and fashionable water fanny-pack (of which I may be purchasing another because it only holds two 10 oz. bottles, and 10 oz. is hardly enough to keep at gnat properly hydrated in the summer- I wanted to clonk Corey over the head and steal his 10 oz. bottle too).  To let you know just how much I sweat, I lost three lbs. tonight during my run.  I wish I could say it was all fat, but no- water weight, unfortunately.  I looked like I peed my pants, that's how sweaty I was.  It's pretty gross, but a necessary evil of running and most strenuous activities that people are crazy enough to do outside in the summer. 

So, that was the gross part of the run- not sure how I got off on that tangent when I was supposed to be telling you about my great run-experience tonight... Oh well- anyway- I did have a great experience running, which was really surprising since my evening started out to be pretty crappy.  I got the call that I did not get the job, which instantly plunged me into a spiral of emotion- part relief that I would not have to clean all the crap out of my classroom and try to find room in my house for all of it, and part frustration, because I have been trying unsuccessfully to get a job like this for the past year, and this was closest I'd been.  I have to admit that there were a few tears shed and Corey did a little shoulder-patting (he is excellent at shoulder-patting and using the calm-reasonable tone to bring me back to earth when I need a reality check- thanks, hon!).  So, in the past this type of disappointment would have sent me into paroxysms of eating.  Like a serious binge of all my favorites plus a lot of other unnecessary crap thrown in for good measure.  I have to admit that I had a vision of my favorite Chinese buffet pass before my eyes after I got off rejection call, but I also had a vision of me trying to run after eating at a buffet and barfing in a cornfield somewhere- not a good image, so no buffet. 

Running clothes.  These were so wet after tonight's run
that we had to hang them up to dry like swimming suits.

So, after sniffling in the car on the ride home, I gamely put on my running outfit of shorty shorts and pink singlet.  I put on the expensive polyester running socks which wick the sweat away from my feet (not sure if this is exactly real since my feet are still really sweaty and gross, but they do not ball up in the toes of my shoes, which is what my cotton socks do after I have run more than three miles).  Jodi tried to convince me of the importance of running socks early on, but I secretly poo-pooed her advice because I had just bought a whole bunch of cotton socks that seemed okay to me- sorry Jodi- you were completely right- cotton sucks when it comes to running.  I also put on a black sports bra since that was all I had that was clean, and which looked really tacky under my pink singlet (oh well).  Then, I put some ice cubes in a baggie and stuffed that down the front of my sports bra.  I think this keeps me cooler since the ice is sitting against the area over my aorta.  My blood passing through this area should be cooled, right???  I don't know if there is any real science to back this theory up, but it's great because by the time I hit mile three, the ice has completely melted and I can either pour it on my head to try to keep myself a little cooler, or I can drink the contents of the baggie since, as I mentioned previously, one 10 oz. bottle of water is incredibly tiny compared to the amount of sweat I excrete.  I know it sounds gross to think about drinking melted ice cube-boob water, but sometimes it's either that or seriously mug Corey for the other 10 oz. bottle.  Man, I HAVE to get my own water fanny pack!!!

To understand my amazement at having a good running experience tonight, you have to take into account all the factors that should have added up against this: it was HOT, I was feeling crappy about the job thing, my calf was hurting, I was thirsty (10 oz. plus boob water was still not enough), Corey was his silent self (not entertaining at all to run with- sorry, hon), our five mile course is pretty hilly (like several big hills and some small ones as well), and mostly, we had to run five miles- I just wasn't in the mood.  Anyway, about mile four, I started to feel really good, as though I had eaten a large piece of chocolate and let it melt slowly in my mouth so I could savor it.  But there was no chocolate, so what was this???  It turns out that there is a state of being called "runner's high."  Apparently, you body can only take so much pain and then it gives you a shot of endorphins so that whatever you're doing to it that is so unpleasant will seem less so.  I felt light and bouncy instead of heavy and flat-footed.   I felt strong and fast, as though I could keep running more than my allotted five miles.  Wow!!!  I felt FANTASTIC! 

Unfortunately, it only took me four miles of a five mile run to experience the high, so for 80% of the run I felt like crap, but the last 20% I felt invincible.  I understand now how people get hooked on running.  The good feeling continued the rest of the evening after I got home and had dinner.  Not a high, but a sense of well-being even though I did not get the job, so I credit running with being a mood-lifter.  I wonder what that says about you if you are willing to slog through 80% pain to get 20% pleasure or just a general sense of well-being?  Am I becoming a twisted soul?  (Evil laugh here...  Maybe I'll have to break out the chains and whips next- look out, Corey!)

How we do what we do...

Chinatown 7/11

Lots of people have asked me how we lost so much weight.  For many years, Corey and I wished that we had jobs with insurance that would cover some kind of weight-loss surgery.  After we moved to Illinois, we were excited to learn that we did, but after I started researching this option, I was afraid of the side effects, so we never seriously pursued any surgical procedures. 

The biggest obstacle to weight loss was and still is my ongoing battle with food addiction.  I know it sounds like a cop-out to some of you to say that sometimes I almost can't control myself around food, but it's true.  There was a reason that I was 334 lbs.  I love food.  LOVE it.  LOVE IT!!!!!  If I could put little hearts and flowers around pictures of some of my favorite dishes (but that would be weird), I might.  The good thing about being addicted to food is that you can appear to be completely normal; people don't have to know how much you are freaking out about food on the inside.  I used to wake up in the morning and literally lay in bed and anticipate getting up to eat breakfast.  I would plan certain activities around where and when I was going to eat.  I would eat in secret, so no one could see how much I was eating because I was ashamed of myself.  Most of all, I was afraid to be hungry.  I know how strange that sounds, but I wouldn't do certain things because I knew it would take a long time and I might not have access to food during the activity.  If I got hungry, I was miserable and could hardly think of anything else until I got something to eat. 

Here I am in Maryland in 2008 putting some serious thought into what to have for breakfast.  During this meal, I tried Scrapple- a melange of a lot of leftover pork pieces ground up together and fried; it was pretty gross!

Here we are at Crabby Mike's seafood buffet (yum!) in Myrtle Beach 7/10. My mom and dad and my brother Brent and his wife Evelyn are also enjoying the food (but maybe not as much as we did).

Well, I had to learn to get over that.  Being hungry is part of dieting sometimes.  It can make you uncomfortable, but it's not going to kill you (hopefully).  To quote Friedrich Nietzsche (and Kanye West- lol), "That which does not kill us makes us stronger."  When I die, I want that on my headstone (and "Demoted Wife and Dressmaker"- Hahahaha!!!  Sorry, had to put in that Drowning Mona reference.  If you haven't seen that movie, you really should).  Anyway, I used to seriously be frightened to drive past the Metro Center on my way to work because Rocky Mountain Chocolate is there, and I would imagine myself turning the car into the parking lot, going into the store, and gorging on all my favorite things there.  Let me just put in a plug for their caramel apples- they are amazing.  Here's a tip to the slim and fit folks out there: if you want to ever figure out where to eat, call a plus-sized friend; they can tell you all the good restaurants and give you suggestions on dishes. 

Here's the proof- here's a suggestion on two great restaurants and a cafe in Chicago (more will inevitably follow in this blog because I still love eating).  The Grand Lux has amazing everything, especially desserts, the Chun Quon Bakery in Chinatown has yummy (and authentic) sponge cakes and tarts, and  the Bergoff has fantastic schnitzel and noodles. 

 Even though I have now lost 135 lbs. I have never lost that sense of being out of control completely.  I struggle with eating right every day, and some days are better than others.  The sucky/wonderful thing about food is you have to have it to survive; I can't simply give it up and never touch it again.  If I were giving up something else, I think it might be easier because I could never touch another cigarette or another beer, but I will always have to touch food (several times a day, in fact).  I wish that they could come up with a pill that would allow me to never have to eat.  I could take it three times a day and never have to put food in my mouth again.  I think that would be easier than constantly struggling against wanting to eat bigger portions and less nutritious food.

Here is a short list of my favorite things to eat (but which I have learned to eat in moderation or not at all):
1.  Chocolate.  When I hear of people who don't like chocolate, I really wonder what's wrong with them.  I know there was a time when chocolate was not known or readily available, and I can't imagine what that would be like.  Crappy, I guess.  My favorite chocolate foods are chocolate candies (especially See's) and chocolate cake with milk.  I could eat chocolate cake three meals a day.  It's especially good with vanilla icing and red hots.  Cinnamon and chocolate are delicious together- try some Mexican mole sometime if you don't believe me.
2. Sugar.  I know this seems like a continuation of my rant about chocolate, but it's not.  Sugary things that are not chocolate-based are also wonderful.  I love sweet-savory dishes especially, like Orange Chicken from Panda Express.  That stuff is the worst for you- not only is it chock-full of refined sugar, but it is also deep-fried, so it is delicious and terrible at the same time.  I totally acknowledge my love-hate relationship with food.


Here are some dim sum dishes from the China Cafe in Chicago's Chinatown.  It's a little more authentic than Panda Express!

3. Ketchup.  I know that ketchup is a condiment, but the way I eat it is almost like a real food.  I don't just dip things in ketchup, I scoop.  I know- for all you non-ketchup people out there, this sounds disgusting, but I think it's delicious.  Fries, my hamburger, chicken strips, hot dogs, eggs, you name it.  I think it goes back to my love of sweet-savory sensations.  Scooping things in condiments seems to be a food addiction tell.  I have witnessed other food addicted people who were obsessed with one condiment or another.  It has to do with the need for MORE, I think.



Here I am in the China Cafe with a bottle of hoisin sauce, the Asian equivalent of ketchup. 

 4. Cheese.  I love cheese.  This is a savory food that goes great with a lot of other savory foods and some sweet ones as well.  The great thing about cheese is its flavor and texture- there are so many of both.  The texture of cheese has a mouth-feel to it that's incredible.  So creamy!  Cheese is one of the most calorie-dense foods out there, so I hardly ever eat much of it, but it is a food I still worship from afar...  Sigh... I loved you, Cheese...
5. Bacon.  Is there any food that goes with more things?  If you think about it, you really could eat bacon three meals a day.  Wow!  It is so good with a lot of different foods like maple syrup, eggs, tomatoes, cream sauce, cheese, lettuce, potatoes, hot dogs, hamburgers, pasta, gravy, and more.  The list really could go on and on, but this blog is not about bacon, so I have to stop. Suffice it to say that bacon is another delicious food, and if you want to eat it, eat Oscar Mayer bacon bits, which have only 25 calories per tablespoon and give a lot of flavor bang for the buck.  Turkey bacon is just not the equal of the pig- it doesn't crisp very well, and it is still pretty calorie-licious.  Better just to have the real deal and eat it in moderation in my dieter's opinion.

The first day I was under 200 lbs.

So, now that I got that out of my system, back to how we lost the weight and are still losing it (slowly).  Well, if you want to lose weight, you have to be willing to count.  When we first started, I had no experience with calorie counting, so it was a whole new experience for me.  What you really have to do is figure out a base-line for your calorie amount- this is your resting metabolic rate (RMR).  This is the amount of calories you would burn if you laid in bed all day and did nothing.  Your body is going to have to burn some calories to keep your heart beating, intestines working, eyes blinking, etc.  There is a big equation to figure out your RMR, but since math isn't really my thing- you can go to http://www.caloriesperhour.com/index_burn.php where they have an RMR calculator for you. So, how do you lose weight after you have an RMR number?  Well, to actually lose any weight, you have to have an output of calories that is greater than what you are burning.  One pound of fat is equal to 3500 calories.  If I want to lose 2 lbs. per week, I have to have a calorie deficit of 7000 calories every week. 

So, you take your RMR, and you multiply it by a factor based on your activity level (don't worry- they will do this for you at caloriesperhour.com).  Mine is 1.55 because I am moderately active.  Right now, my RMR is 1,661.  That means to keep my body basically functioning if I did nothing but lay in bed, I burn 1,661 calories every day.  With my factor of 1.55, my RMR is 2,575.  To lose 2 lbs. a week, multiply this number by 7 (for seven days) which equals 18,025.  Then I subtract 7,000, because you have to have a 7,000 calorie deficit to lose 2 lbs. per week.  This gives me 11,025.  Then I divide by seven to see how many calories I should be eating per day: 1,575.

After I have my calorie goal, I track my food and calorie intake on a website like sparkspeople.com or livestrong.com.  I make sure that I stay within my calorie goal, and I lose weight.  Most of the time.  Now, why I say this is because I think your body gets used to dieting, and you can hit nasty plateaus where you won't lose any weight for a few weeks even though you seem to be doing everything right.  Jillian Michaels says you should up your caloric intake by 10% and get more sleep to break through plateaus.  My solution has been to shake up my eating or exercising, which sometimes helped. 

One important side note: even if after you do all the math your calorie goal comes up under 1,200 calories, you shouldn't do it.  Eating too few calories can make your body think it's starving, which may make you gain weight.  Besides, you can't maintain an eating plan that makes you constantly hungry.  You will eventually cheat big-time, and you will gain weight.  This is the opposite effect of what we want (duh!).  If your calorie goal is that low, you must be thinner to begin with, which may mean that you need to lose weight more slowly, or if you still want to try to lose 2 lbs. per week, you need to eat at least 1,200 calories but exercise more to make up the calorie deficit you want to maintain.

One last thing: for runners, you cannot eat like crap and expect to feel good while you run.  I can't believe what a difference it makes to eat right.  I feel 180 degrees different if I eat well the day before a run versus eating junk food.  Even if you are eating your 1,500 calories, if it is junk, you will feel like junk.  Eat right to feel good.  This has never been clearer to me than after I started running.  I try to eat a 25/50/25 diet for running.  That means 25% protein (for muscles)/50% carbohydrates (for energy)/25% fat (for proper hormone production).  I got this diet guideline from the book The Runner's Diet by Madelyn H. Fernstrom, so it's not just me blowing smoke up your tail pipe.  When I eat 25/50/25, I feel stronger and less out of control than if I stay within my calorie goal but eat whatever I want.  End of soap-box sermon.

In the beginning...

On Saturday, I reached a monumental step in the evolution of my weight loss and fitness journey: I ran ten miles.  Can I say that again, but with more excitement?  I RAN 10 MILES!!!  Yes!  I can hardly believe that I ran mileage in the double digits, but somehow I did. 

Here we are after 10 miles!!  It took us 2:30 to run, which is a 15:00 pace,
but there was some walking mixed in there.

Here is some background about my story so that you will be excited about this momentous occasion too.  First, as of January 1st, 2010, I weighed a whopping 334 lbs.  That might be okay if I were a 6' 10" football linebacker, but sadly (for my former 334 lbs.) I am not.  I am  a 5' 8" tall literature teacher, so this made my weight uncomfortable, tiresome, and all around aggravating.  I had a BMI of 51 (normal range is 18.5-24.9).  I couldn't go on rides at amusement parks because the belts wouldn't fit over my lap; I couldn't sit in some restaurant booths because there wasn't enough space between the table and the seat for me to fit; I couldn't ride on an airplane because I couldn't afford to buy two seats (and I was pretty sure that they would ask me to once they saw how much my butt hung over the sides).  I knew I was really in trouble when I started having worse incontinence problems than my 68 year old mother.  A girl shouldn't have to worry about peeing her pants while walking down the hall at 30 years old.  So as of January 2010, my husband and I made a pact to lose weight.




Here is my 2009-2010 school picture to give you an idea of my pre-weight loss size.



Here is Corey and me doing what we did best.  I miss it a lot sometimes... Not the weight, but the food!

By January 1st, 2011, I had lost 94 lbs., which put me at 240 lbs.  Still way too heavy, but a lot better than 2010.  My friend Jodi told me about her experience running the Steamboat Classic, and I wanted to run it too.  Steamboat is a four mile race (which my parents refer to as a "marathon"- cringe), and I could barely run a mile, so I had a lot of work to do before the race in June.  On April 6th Corey and I started training for the race with a training group called Building Steam.  During training, we ran a set amount once a week.  We were supposed to practice this amount four times every week between training days, but sometimes we were more successful at our practices than others.  We would forget and not run any except for the two days preceding the training day.  Sometimes we were good and ran all our practice days.

Here is an updated school photo from 2010-2011.



Here is Corey and me at Thanksgiving 2010.  I was 240 lbs. and Corey was 268 lbs.


This training was really hard for me.  I have asthma, and it really bothered me in the beginning.  I would run/walk with the trainers, and by the end of the practice, I would feel like I was going to faint.  There were times when I actually got little black stars in front of my eyes when I bent down to stretch after the training.  I can remember crying and telling Corey in the car after training that I hated running, and I just didn't know if I could do this- I was okay with just being a walker.  Corey was always patient- more so than I would have been- and he always told me that I could do it.

The first race we ran was the Caterpillar 5K on May 14th.  A 5K is actually 3.1 miles.  I don't know why we have to measure things in K's since we don't use the metric system for anything else in this country, and consequently, the term "5K" was confusing for me.  I thought kilometers into miles was pretty much a 2:1 ratio, so I thought we were going to run a 2.5 mile race.  At this point, I was down to 208 lbs. and had been running/walking for about 5 weeks.  This was not enough because I had done the majority of my training at night when the actual race was in the morning.  Sunlight=hotter temperatures=more sweating=dehydration.  I kept getting the chills, even though it was hot and humid.  I found out later that the chills can indicate dehydration.  Since this was my first race, I had only taken a little sip at the one and only water stop at mile 1 and chucked the rest on the ground.  Grrr!!  To make things worse, the one and only hill was at mile 2.8.  I had also mistakenly worn a cotton T-shirt thinking that having a cute, Caterpillar colored outfit (yellow and black) was more important than wearing the ugly technical T I had considered but discarded that morning.  By this time, I was realizing that 5k must mean more than 2.5 miles, I was sweating buckets while simultaneously getting goose bumps, and I was in an agony to be DONE.  My cotton T was drenched and weighing me down as it retained all my sweat.  Finally, we came up the stupid hill and out to the last couple of blocks, and I could see the finish line in sight.  Corey and I crossed together, and amazingly, even though we had to walk part of it, we still had an overall pace of 11:35 (our goal was 11:30). 

From left to right: some unknown person's back (oops),
Corey, Kathleen, Jodie, Sammi, and Polly

Skip to Steamboat on June 18th.  My mom and dad came up to see Corey and I cross the finish line.  This was a really big deal for us since we had so recently been way too big to participate in anything like this event except as spectators.  We ran the race with Jodi, the friend who got me into this craziness in the first place, and a couple other teachers from my school.  We ran the entire four miles without stopping (although I am not sure why people are so opposed to a little walking- more on that in a later post), and finished with a pace of 11:26.  Corey and I actually crossed the finish line holding hands so we had the exact same time.  (Don't say "How sweet!"  You know it was a mile stone for us, so cut us some slack...)  You can go to http://www.raceresultsplus.com/sites/raceresultsplus.com/files/RSLTS4M_4.HTM and look us up.  We are numbers 2400 and 2401.  My parents never saw us at the finish line; some firefighters ran in all their gear, and my folks were looking at them instead of us (but who would you rather see cross the finish line, honestly- firefighters or a couple of really sweaty, extra-large people?).  Thank goodness someone recorded the finish so my parents could see us at least on youtube!  Check us out at 6:00.  Corey is in orange shorts and a white top and I am in gray shorts and a pink top. 

Since Steamboat, Corey and I have made it our goal to run a half marathon, so this is why I get up at 4:30 on a Saturday morning to run miles and miles out into the country.  This is also why I ran four miles every day on my vacation in Chicago last week, and why I didn't gain a ton of weight, even though I ate pizza and Chinese food while we were there.  The whole diet has kind of been put on hold, unfortunately.  It seems really difficult to concentrate on losing weight and training at the same time, so I have hovered around 198-200 for a few weeks now.  Hopefully, writing this blog will help get me back on track and make me more accountable for my weight again.  It shouldn't be hard to lose weight while training for a half marathon (you would think!), but I have the idea that I ran four miles this morning, so I can eat that extra serving of chips or that Rice Crispie treat, right?  No!  This is why I am hovering... Sigh...

Here I am in Chicago.  I'm not in my running gear, but I thought I'd show the view
we got to see every day as we ran along the lake-front trail.  It was pretty incredible!

So now we come back to the ten miles I just ran Saturday, and the reason for the name of this blog.  Who wears short shorts (but probably shouldn't)?  It's the Smallwoods.  Yes, both Corey and I own and wear a pair of short running shorts that look hideously embarrassing on our still plump frames (my BMI is now down to 30, but I am still in the obese category- overweight is 29.9-25).  I saw some members of our branch and was embarrassed but amused to see them stare at me running in front of their car with my running shorts and singlet on.  My singlet is a Nike tank top with a racer-back, so my flabby upper arms are exposed.  This outfit seriously looks so bad on me, but it keeps me fairly cool in the Illinois heat.  Even better- on runs in the country, I also wear a hydration belt, which is like a fanny pack with a water bottle on it.  Looks really cool, let me tell you.  Oh well...  It keeps me from getting the chills while I run, and the pack is really convenient to carry my cell phone, just in case I get attacked by a random deer or something out in the country. 

I am amazed by how much stronger I am now than I was just five weeks ago.  This is the great thing about running.  I have really tested my physical limits, and I have found that I can meet the challenge.  Where four miles was a big deal five weeks ago, now it is part of my short runs that I do three times a week.  Also, five weeks ago, the training group would do "slope work" by running up small inclines in the park.  Now I run multiple large hills in my daily runs since I have been running in the country where the scenery is much better but the terrain is much steeper.  I just go at the hills slowly, but I never walk them because I know I am just getting stronger every time I run them.  I have to admit that I usually have the lyrics from the chorus of Christina Aguilera's song "Fighter" running through my head every time I run at a hill, and I am sure that I look as hunched as a grandma by the time I am through with some of the really big ones at the end of my run, but I feel great- like I could face anything.  No more crying and saying how much I hate running!  I actually have started to (gasp!) love my runs, and I get a little runner's high now and then.  Thank goodness, because I don't think Corey could have taken much more crying!

Looking foxy in short shorts! Haha!!

So I say "Love it or shove it!" to the haters who think short shorts should only be worn by the uber-fit.  Those of us "Clydesdales" and "Athenas" (runners in higher weight classes) still have to be comfortable while we run- there should be some perks to getting up at 4:30 on a Saturday morning, so if you don't like it, don't look.  Who knows?  Corey is turning 40 this year in October, so we've talked a little bit about running a marathon to celebrate- you may get to see our meaty thighs for a whole 26.2 miles.  Lucky you! Hee hee!!


Here is Corey strutting his stuff in short shorts and water fanny pack!  You go, hon!!